The Wall of Crap!
We love comics. But some less so than others.
Some time ago, SCREAMING MONKEY COMICS started a wall paying homage to some of the biggest ill-conceived issues, boring tales, and in some cases....outright dumpster fires....that have ever been sold on a comic book shelf.
And so began the legend of the Wall of Crap!
In case you don't have a chance to visit the store and see them in person,
you can enjoy our virtual display of the books that have now been lost to
the indifference of time.
STREET FIGHTER #1 (1986)
Trust me. I've researched it exhaustively. This is not a
cheap knockoff of the well known video game, despite the bizarrely similar title logo. It has nothing to do with the game, which wouldn't be released in Japan for another two years. It was just....well.....boring as hell.
SUPERMAN / RADIO SHACK (1980)
The Man of Steel appears as a guest teacher at a
Metropolis middle school to help the kids appreciate the amazing computer power of the Radio Shack
TRS-80, but he ends up needing their help to avert
an oncoming disaster! Oh, Radio Shack....I actually owned a TRS-80. It used a cassette tape drive for storage, the graphics looked like something the
Atari 2600 had puked up, and it couldn't avoid
interference from my sister's hairdryer. This book
lied to me!
THE MAN FROM ATLANTIS (1978)
I'll bet you couldn't find more than a dozen people who have heard of this 1977 television series starring Patrick Duffy - about an amnesiac man who may or or may not be the last surviving citizen of Atlantis.
I'll bet you can find even less people who were aware that they made a comic book about it. Don't worry, Patrick. Some day you'll star in DALLAS and no one will remember this turkey. Except us.
CAPTAIN DINGLEBERRY #1 (1998)
If there was ever a comic that was literally born to be on the Wall of Crap, this is it right here. Thank God it was only in black & white.
It was later followed up by a mini-series called "Captain Dingleberry: Unplugged." Goodness.
CHUCK NORRIS: KARATE
KOMMANDOS #2 (1987)
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Here are two interesting facts about this comic. First, it was based off of a short-lived animated series from the 1980s. Second, it was illustrated by the late great Steve Ditko. Yes,
THAT Steve Ditko. Swear to God. Why?
Because Chuck Norris commanded it.
UNCANNY X-MEN #141
Exhibited not so much as a comment on the
quality of the comic, but rather as a critique on
certain people's ability to handle collectibles.
Look, I'm not saying you need to hermetically seal your books in an airtight, temperature-controlled environment.. But for the love of
Stan Lee, people, at least don't store your unbagged comics in a leaky garage through winter! What are you, insane?
THOR #134 (1966)
Same as above. Just more angrily.
SLOTH PARK #1 (1998)
Okay, there's loving parody....and then there's
lazy capitalization of an extremely hot new
property. My daughter proudly owns a copy of
this very low printed comic, but even she admits she's owns it ironically.
MR. T and THE T-FORCE #1 (1993)
To be fair, Mr. T is kiind of a cool human being.
We've never actually opened this polybagged
comic book with artwork by the late great
Neal Adams, so maybe I shouldn't judge. It
did run for 14 issues, but it wasn't enough to
prevent NOW comics from going out of
business in 1994.
NFL SUPERPRO #1 (1991)
Yes, this really happened. After an ex-NFL
player barely survives a freak accident, he goes on to fight crime wearing a near indestructable football uniformn. Series creator Fabian Nicez later admitted to writing the series in order to get free NFL tickets. Which might be the least embarrassing way to explain any book's
existance.
SHATTER #8 (1987)
This comic from FIRST COMICS marketed itself as "the first comic where everything was created by computer." Specifically, a combination of an Apple Computer, Full Paint and Microsoft Word. All the excitement of an MS-DOS game cut scene right on your page! Okay, so it wasn't Frank MIller art.....but on the other hand, it wasn't text-to-image AI art either. So at least it had
THAT going for it.
SUPERMAN III (1983)
Back before we had DVDs (heck, this was before
most of us even had VHS tapes) the only way we could enjoy our favorite movies was by reading the comic book adaptation. But some comics were just embarrassing - like this film that traded the grandeur of the Richard Donner film for a comedic adventure featuring Richard Pryor on skis falling off unscathed from a Metropolis highrise.
ADVENTURES OF THE KOOL-AID
MAN (1988)
The grand opening of the Wacky Warehouse is threatened by the interferrence of a dude named Scorch and his rad glasses. Also, the word "rad" is used more times than legally should be allowed. But worst of all, we never find out just what is the Kool-Aid Man? Is he the liquid or the glass container? Also, this isn't even the original comic book! Just some crappy newspaper free insert reprinting a portion of the book! And at no point does he actually crash through a wall, striking terror into the empty souls of those who would deprive us from fruit flavored hydration. So basically, an absolute miss all around.
NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK #2
(1990)
No. Just....no.
THE HONEYMOONERS #7 (1988)
In this comic, based on the television series set and filmed in the 1950s, Ralph tries to raise
$1000 to built a playground by working as a pro wrestler, with a little coaching help from 1980's star Lou Albano. So.....exactly which audience were they aiming for here? I dare you to find me someone who was both a fan of professional wrestling and the famous Jackie Gleason series.
C.O.P.S. #14 (1989)
They were fighting crime in a future time! The late '80s animated seires featured a team of highlyl trained police officers protecting Empire City from a group of gangsters in the futuristic year of 2020. Yup, it was set in 2020. Cybernetic police officers and crooks wearing zoot suits, getting around in flying cars and not one of them wearing masks to protect them from Covid? The future lied to us!
FISH STICKS #3 (1992)
This comic inspired a short-lived animated television series, so it's not all bad. But if you meet one of the creators at a convention, I
recommend you refrain from making the "Do you like Fish Sticks? Are you a gay fish?" joke. They've probably heard it a hundred times already, which would make them humorless chaps.
CATHAIR APOLCAYLOSE #1 (2016)
We strongly support self-published comics. But sometimes, a book becomes so absurd that the line between intentional parody and deranged concept can become blurred. Witness this book about a world where cats rule the Earth. Not sure what made me scratch me head more. The use of photoshopped cat photos in place of traditional art? The full-on website the artist built to sell this one and only issue? How he showed up at conventions in a custom van to sell his "Bad Ass Cat Tattoos?" I finally settled on the fact that I spent 20 minutes trying to understand why his name was "Cutlass or Corsage" when I finally realized that was the name of the story, not his author's name. The author's actual name, according to the credits, is "Lord
Cutemungus." Swear to God, we can't make this stuff up. Is he talented? Maybe. Is he a
legend? Definitely.
U.S. #1 (1983)
This thrilling comic was based on aa set of Tyco Toy trucks, featuring a hero who used his bionic brain and his souped-up 18-wheeler to fight crime and avenge the death of his brother. After twelve issues, Marvel Comics mercifully
rescinded his CDL licence, and he was never heard from again.
CAMP CANDY #3 (1990)
We love John Candy. He was a sweet man, a great human being, and nearly everything he worked in and was funnier for having him in it.
With the possible exception of this comic based on the short-lived Saturday morning cartoon featuring him as the director an underfunded summer camp.
FUN IN THE JOHN (1985)
Not really a comic book - more a psuedo-coloring book for people who like to solve crossword puzzles and bone up on the toilet related trivia while doing their business. It was discovered wedged between a copy of
X-MEN #252 and DEATH OF SUPERMAN (4th printing) in a collection we bought, and it was promptly added to its rightful palce on the Wall of Crap!
TRANSFORMERS / MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IN DISGUISE #1
More proof that no crossover is bizarre enough that some company won't consider publishing it.
(It actually sold rather well, but I think that attests more to morbid curiosity than the actual quality of the series.)
TRIBE #1 (1993)
Okay, it's not that the comic itself is horrible.
I mean, no more than any other average comic that came out in the '90s. It just that we own upwards of 50 copies of this book. It's a bizarre trend that every time we bought a collection, at least two copies of this book were included. We can't even explain it. My theory is that books you own but you haven't atually read in over a decade somehow eventually mutant into copies of TRIBE #1. Makes sense, right?
WCW: TWIN TRACK SHAVING SET
Included here on a technicality because it was included in a collection of toys and comics we bought a few years ago. I like to imagine that at some point in the past, Hulk Hogan was sitting at a table -- this product, a contract and a small stack of cash in front of him --- and he looked at it with a defeated shrug before signing the rights release form and saying, "Sure, brother, whatever....."
